


Cynical and Beautiful

by orphan_account



Series: The Mixtape [6]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Everybody Else (Band), Hanson (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Break Up, California, Cheating, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Haircuts, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Incest, Leaving Home, Loss, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage, Men Crying, Moving On, Older Man/Younger Man, Photographs, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Pregnancy, Sad, Sibling Incest, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Work In Progress, angry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5898787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Taylor ends things with Zac both have to try and put their life back together but are things ever really that simple?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Looks As Though You're Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with Hanson/One Direction/Everybody Else. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "That's the only thing I can think of that would make you want to leave."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **May 2012**

Zac sat on his couch as he looked down at the floor, listening as Taylor went on and on about how they had to break up, that they couldn't keep doing this, being together and being a secret and to be honest Zac was getting tired of hearing it. He was tired of listening to Taylor tell him how wrong it was since for years Taylor had never seemed to care.

Zac had almost thought this year would actually be the year that Taylor finally left Natalie and his kids for him like he had always promised but then last month Natalie and Taylor had told everyone at their annual Tuesday night family dinner that Natalie was pregnant and those hopes had been dashed. Though he hadn't expected that Taylor would be here now a month later trying to end things between them because he had thought they would survive this like they had done every other pregnancy she had.

"What else do you want from me?" Zac asked as his voice sounded broken and he looked up at Taylor. "I've given you everything," he frowned as he felt tears coming to his eyes and he really had given Taylor everything. Had been doing that since he was just sixteen and he realized the feelings he harbored for his brother were more than platonic or brotherly.

Taylor shook his head sadly but he avoided Zac's stare. "There isn't anything you can give me," he sighed sounding almost defeated. "Natalie's pregnant again Zac and I have to make things work with her. It's our fifth child and she deserves me there."

"So now you're going to be a better husband?" Zac asked as the tears he felt earlier finally went down his cheek. "You're going to leave me for her and be a better husband and father," he spat out knowing he was probably being selfish but he liked when Taylor had been all his.

"I put my life on hold for you," Zac reminded Taylor when he finally looked at him and maybe he got a bit of satisfaction from the guilty look in his brother's eyes. "I never dated any men or settled down because I believed you when you promised me one day you'd leave that bitch and settle down with me."

Taylor visibly swallowed hard and again he looked away from Zac. "I never asked you to do that," he said as he slowly walked to the front door of Zac's apartment. "I'm sorry Zac."

Closing his eyes at Taylor's apology, Zac wiped away a few of his tears before opening his eyes and watching as Taylor stopped at the door.

"Do you still love me?" Zac asked as he saw Taylor look at him again after he spoke. "Because if you still love me you shouldn't walk out that door. Stay and we can work something out."

"I'm sorry Zac," Taylor muttered as he looked away from Zac and opened the front door, slipping out and it was as the door shut that Zac realized he hadn't answered the question on love and that hurt like a bitch.

Maybe it was best he hadn't answered either because either way Zac was sure Taylor would have walked out and left him. That's just how Taylor was, though Zac had never expected Taylor to eventually walk out and leave him. He had foolishly thought he meant more to Taylor, they had been brothers after all.

Sitting there though and looking at the door as if Taylor would magically come back through Zac felt as if he wanted to be sick, the feeling got so bad that it propelled Zac off his couch and towards his bathroom where he hunched over the toilet though all he could do was dry heave. Dry heave and cry and it was all Taylor's fault.

Once he was sure he was done dry heaving, Zac eventually stood from the floor and he walked to the sink where he took a look at his reflection in the mirror and he frowned because he looked like a broken mess. A broken mess who was probably going to break even more and hell if he couldn't control that he did at least want control on somethings so as he took his reflection in even more Zac reached up to run his hand through his long hair.

His hair was something Taylor liked, having said when it was long it was easier to pull on during sex and Zac had loved making Taylor happy so he'd been growing it out ever since he cut it in 2010 for album promo and Taylor had bitched about it for two solid months.

After two months of that Zac had swore never to let anyone touch his hair again but well now Taylor was gone and what did it matter what he did to his hair and maybe rather impulsively Zac found the pair of scissors he kept in the bathroom and as he eyed himself in the mirror he began step one in trying and probably failing to get over Taylor or at least having some control in his life. Control that was him basically butchering his hair, the pieces falling off into the sink or on the floor around him.

Once he was satisfied with the image in the mirror Zac laid the scissors down and quickly he left the bathroom to go retrieve his broom and dust pan to clean up the mess he had made. Maybe as he cleaned up he could think of step two in his plan of trying to get over Taylor and taking control of his life.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zac nervously bit his lip as he put the broom and dust pan away an hour later. It probably shouldn't have taken him so long to clean up the mess he had made with his fallen hair but while he had been cleaning up a bit of a plan had formulated in his brain. A plan that involved him leaving Tulsa and heading to a state he hadn't been too in at least a few months.

Going to his couch, Zac sat down and reached into the pocket of his jeans were his cell phone was and once he had it in his hands he turned it on and went to his contacts once everything had loaded up. In his contacts he searched until he found the name he was looking for, the name of Kate Tucker, the woman who had started off as Natalie's friend and had even briefly dated Isaac but over the years she had slowly became more of Zac's best friend even with his crazy touring and her college life in Georgia and then the unexpected move to California she had made in 2010 when she had been offered a deal to open a clothing boutique there.

They were such good friends that Zac had even been partly responsible for Kate meeting the man she had been in a long term relationship with since 2008. It had been when Kate went to the concert in Georgia that she had met Carrick and they had both developed silly crushes that eventually turned into more rather quick and Zac was sure that Carrick was probably part of the reason Kate had agreed to the offer of opening a clothing boutique in California. So that she could be closer to the man she loved, a man Zac figured she'd probably marry some day.

Hovering over her name in his contacts he took a deep breath before hitting it and putting his phone to his ear as it rang and he waited for her to answer.

"Hello?" Kate's voice came over the receiver after the second ring.

"Katie," Zac smiled feeling a bit comforted by her voice, something that had always been able to soothe him when Taylor couldn't. "I was calling to ask if that option to stay with you in California was still available?" he asked knowing she had told him when she first moved into her two bedroom apartment that he was always welcome there for however long he wanted to stay. "I just think I need a break from Tulsa and Oklahoma all together for awhile."

"Did something happen with him Zachary?" Kate questioned ignoring what Zac had asked and Zac almost wished he hadn't confessed to her about Taylor the year he had turned twenty-one but he had and somehow she had taken it better than he expected but it was still their secret and only theirs. "That's the only thing I can think of that would make you want to leave."

Sighing Zac chewed on his lip briefly because once again he felt close to tears. "He ended things Katie," he confessed his voice a bit lower. "And now I just need to get away from where he is."

"Oh Zachary," Kate sighed and Zac swore he could hear the frown in her voice. "You know my offer always stands babe," she said and Zac felt a bit relieved to hear those words. "When do you plan on coming? I'll have to clean the extra room up some. Carrick's let some of his friends crash at my place before and they've kind of made a mess of things."

Zac laughed softly at that, "I'm leaving as soon as I can," he admitted feeling a bit guilty for not giving her time but Taylor had literally just dropped a bomb on him and their relationship. "I'm sorry for the short notice Katie."

"You don't have to apologize Zac," Kate spoke and her words sounded like she was being honest at least. "I like a good challenge and getting that room cleaned will be a challenge. I may even have to call out of work for it," she laughed softly.

Zac wanted to laugh at that too but he couldn't. It had only made him feel guilty for doing this to her though in the end really it was Taylor's fault. It was Taylor who was the cause of him up and leaving anyway.

"I know but well you know me," Zac sighed as he shook his head. "You always say I'm too nice for my own good and all."

"That's because you are," Kate said sounding firm. "But we should probably hang up so you can get a flight out here and I can get to work cleaning my spare room."

Nodding his head though Kate couldn't see him Zac forced a smile, "I guess so," he replied knowing he couldn't stay on the phone with her for too long. "Goodbye Katie and I guess I'll hopefully see you soon."

After Kate had also bid him goodbye Zac hung up the call and eventually he made a call to the local airport, setting up a flight to California, one that left at six in the morning and it was already almost two. He still had to pack his stuff and then well maybe he could get a few hours of rest besides what he'd get on the flight, though he wasn't sure the benefits of sleep were appealing to him because he was afraid he'd just dream of Taylor.


	2. Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Is something wrong Taylor?" Natalie asked in his silence and he hated the fact that she looked like she was judging him right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait in between chapters. Taylor is such a hard character for me to write sometimes.
> 
> Also you should really listen to Birdy's song Let Him Go which is a cover of Let Her Go by Passenger and where the chapter title comes from.

** **

**May 2012**

Taylor awoke the next morning with a jolt and as he did so, he looked around him not seeing his wife though from the noises down the hall he knew she was probably already up with their kids. Natalie always had been an early riser at least ever since having kids which was well it had been for most of her life really since she had been just eighteen when Ezra was born.

Shaking his head to wake himself up more he looked at the clock on the bedside table and he groaned seeing that it was a bit after nine. Usually even he didn't sleep in this late, liking to get an early start on the day and be at the office early but after last night he guessed his energy was just drained.

Then again whose energy wouldn't be drained after breaking up with someone? Taylor knew though that the break up had to happen even if it had hurt Zac. He had just wanted to try to be better for Natalie and this new baby..that and Natalie had found out about him and Zac last week. She had stumbled across some files he had, had on his computer. Files he probably should have deleted but of course Taylor had never been smart. If he was smart he never would have began having sex with his brother in the first place even if he did like the attention that Zac gave him. Thrived on it really.

But even thriving on Zac's attention wasn't enough, not when it came to the threats Natalie had given him. Threats to tell his family and show the media what she had found. Videos of him and Zac having sex. So Taylor had made a choice and in the end that had meant Zac had to go. It was hard on him even if he hadn't showed it to Zac and today he felt kind of empty just a bit but maybe in the end everything would be worth it.

It wasn't like Taylor hated Natalie even with what she had threatened to do. He did love her and he knew he should try for her. He had never really tried before and she deserved it. He was sure with time both he and Zac would adjust to their new roles as strictly brothers. Brothers who no longer had sex.

Slipping out of bed Taylor stretched slightly before leaving his room and following the voices into the kitchen where he found his family. His four kids sitting at the table happily chatting away and his pregnant wife standing at the stove still fixing what looked like pancakes.

Leave it to Natalie to always cook breakfast even on weekdays when she knew she had to homeschool the kids. It was just like her, always trying and striving to be perfect but then again maybe he couldn't blame her, especially when it seemed like sometimes everyone here in Tulsa played favorites between her and Isaac's wife Nikki. It was almost how sometimes he swore his parents played favorites too and somehow he always won though he was always so good at playing and knowing how to twist things.

"Oh," Natalie stated when she turned around finally and spotted Taylor. "You're up," she spoke as if she was surprised by his appearance. As if he never even really lived there or came into the kitchen during morning breakfast. "Isaac's been calling for the past hour."

Taylor raised his eyebrows at that statement because Isaac usually never called his house. It was always Zac that Isaac would contact but then again Zac was always the middle man between him and Isaac. It kept the peace and it kept both he and Isaac from killing each other he was sure.

"Did he say what he wants?" Taylor asked figuring if he was calling here it had to be important.

Natalie shook her head no at that question, "Last time he called he just said he'd tell you when you came to the office."

Sucking in his breath at that Taylor ran a hand through his hair because after last night he had, had no plans of going in today. Not wanting to face Zac because he was kind of chicken shit. But if Isaac had something important to tell him then he guessed he'd have to go in after all.

"Is something wrong Taylor?" Natalie asked in his silence and he hated the fact that she looked like she was judging him right now. "Don't want to go into work and see your favorite brother?" she asked again with a hint of accusation to her voice because he had yet to tell her that he had ended things with Zac so of course she thought he wanted to go. To go and see Zac and get away from her.

Rolling his eyes Taylor just shook his head, "Nothing's wrong," he said as he forced a smile. "Just hadn't really intended to go to the office today," he revealed watching as Natalie gave him a questioning look but he knew she wouldn't say or ask anything in front of their children. "Guess plans change," he sighed before turning to head back down the hall so he could get some clean clothes and shower before he headed in to the office to see what the hell Isaac wanted.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later Taylor parked his car outside of the offices and as he headed inside he was once again made to force a smile as he saw Jessica sitting at one of the front desks near the door.

"Any idea what Isaac has been needing to tell me?" Taylor asked as he looked at his sister curiously. "Natalie said he's been calling the house a lot this morning."

Taylor watched as Jessica paused briefly, like she was contemplating on what to say but in the end she just shook her head no.

"It's probably best you ask him yourself," Jessica spoke finally and her smile looked just as fake as the one he forced this morning when he told Natalie nothing was wrong.

Sighing loudly Taylor walked off from where he stood, heading to the back where the big office was that contained all of the brother's desks and when he got there he paused at the sight of only Isaac sitting at a desk. "Where is Zac?" he questioned and his voice made Isaac turn to face him and he thought maybe he was going crazy or Isaac looked a bit relieved to see him.

"That's why I have been calling you," Isaac said as he shook his head. "Zac obviously isn't here and well I know it's unlike him to come here late. He's usually at least more on time than you are," he muttered and Isaac's words made Taylor blush even if they were true.

Taylor did have a habit of being late, showing up at the offices late, even if he expected his brothers to be on time.

"Have you tried calling him?" Taylor asked another question figuring that surely if Isaac just called Zac they'd find out he had overslept. Probably had cried himself to sleep after his confrontation with Taylor which didn't help the guilt that Taylor felt of course...or maybe Zac had planned to do like him and skip work though Zac had never really came off as a chicken to Taylor.

Zac wouldn't have avoided him. Zac would have shown up to make Taylor feel worse. To spite him.

Isaac nodded his head yes, "I tried calling his home phone first and he had the number disconnected," he revealed and his words made Taylor confused because surely Isaac had just gotten the number wrong. "Then I tried his cell phone and the number's no longer in service," he sighed as he finally glared at Taylor and Taylor suspected that whatever was going on Isaac blamed him for it. "After that I had Jessie go by his apartment on her way here. He wasn't there and neither was his truck. She used the key she had for his place to let herself in just to make sure and she said all of his stuff or well most of it was gone."

Sitting down at that Taylor had to take several deep breaths because no, Jessica had to be mistaken. There was no way Zac was gone. He had just been with Zac last night when he had broken up with him and fuck if Zac was gone then yes Taylor was to blame but Zac couldn't be gone. He wasn't the one who usually ran. That was Taylor not Zac.

"What did you do Taylor?" Isaac asked in Taylor's silence. "If Zac is gone this somehow has to be your fault," he stated with a harsh tone. "You've always been so fucking goddamn close to him. It's why he usually always chooses your side when he plays our middle man."

Taylor wanted to get mad at Isaac and deny the accusations but deep down he knew he couldn't because if Zac was really gone then in the end it was Taylor's fault. If Zac was gone then he probably left because Taylor had finally broken the one person who Taylor had thought was so strong.

That was partly why Taylor had clung to Zac besides the attention. Zac was strong and he had helped Taylor through so much. The shit with the album and Natalie's pregnancy. Even his drug habit he had developed because of Alex. But Taylor guessed even in the end even a strong person could be broken and somehow he was probably what had broke Zac.

"Zac isn't gone," Taylor spoke as he came out of his thoughts, breaking the silence he had created. "I'm sure Jessica had to have been mistaken by what she thought was most of his stuff being gone," he said as he stood from where he sat. "Zac isn't gone."

After he said that Taylor turned on his heel and quickly left the offices, heading outside and back to his car where he got in and started it up. Driving off to Zac's to prove a point. To prove that Zac hadn't really left because he didn't need anymore guilt and if Zac was really gone then he'd have tons of guilt.

If Zac was gone then he'd probably have more than just Isaac blaming him because if Zac was really gone and had even gone through the effort of disconnecting his home phone and changing his cell phone then he didn't want to be found right now and that meant the band was probably done with too and Taylor would also have the fans blaming him. Fans who thought the world of him but somehow they'd blame him especially the ones who somehow shipped him with Zac even if they thought their ship was nothing more than foolish fantasies made up inside their heads.

"Fuck," Taylor cursed out under his breath when he finally made it to Zac's apartment complex and he parked his car in a space. "You aren't gone you fucking prick," he spoke as he got out of his car and headed towards Zac's apartment. "You can't be really gone."

Making it to the door of Zac's apartment Taylor used the key he had on his key ring and he let himself in looking around what indeed looked to be a bare apartment. The furniture was still there but the paintings that had once occupied the walls were gone and even pictures that had been in frames on the TV stand where gone or well most of them where.

As Taylor neared the coffee table he did see one picture still there and as he picked it up he frowned as his hand traced the glass frame. It was the only picture of Zac and Taylor that Zac had ever had out in the open anyway and it was taken on some beach in California during the This Time Around Tour. Taylor had always been quite fond of the picture and he was sure that he had once told Zac it was the last time he had remembered being truly happy.

Sitting down on the floor as he kept a hold of that picture Taylor closed his eyes as he took several deep breaths. It was now that he realized that Zac was indeed gone. Hell he didn't even have to go to every room in the apartment to know it. If all the paintings and photographs in the living room were gone than he expected the rest of the place to be like this too and he knew if he walked to Zac's room he'd probably find Zac's clothes gone and yes he really was to blame for this.

Zac somehow had clearly left overnight after Taylor had been here and in the end it was all his fault because he had probably broke such a strong man. Taylor had broke him and Zac did what he could, he had ran which was such a Taylor move that Taylor couldn't...wouldn't blame Zac.

Maybe in the end too it was the best move Zac could have done. Left. Maybe it'd help them both since Taylor wasn't so sure they'd be able to be just brothers if Zac stayed. Taylor figured if Zac had stayed his resolve probably would have eventually crumbled, especially if it hurt him so much knowing that Zac was gone because somehow he had fallen for his brother even if last night he hadn't properly showed it.


End file.
